BULKING LESSONS 101: Dawn of the Giant

Feb 27

Every time somebody asks me, “what do you eat?” or “what’s your split?” I tell them the same thing.

I’ve been doing the same exercises for over a year, with 1-2 rest days a week. Let me toot my own horn real quick; I have been fucking diligent. For a year now I have dedicated myself to the same push/pull/back, and leg workout split. I will eventually do a separate post about working out because this particular post is about bulking.

Before I can explain these eating choices, let me fill you in on my situation that was last summer (June 2022).

When I came home from ASU, tragically heartbroken and set on improving myself, at the time, I had no other choice but to sleep on my brother’s couch for two months. I was working very hard on putting on weight. Consequently, I decided the easiest way to do this was dirty bulk.

Let me clear the air before I get a ton of hate. I’m 6’3, was 19 years old, my metabolism still being insanely fast, and I happened to be in decent shape due to my whole life of being physically active. I was thin but had a good frame. If you needed someone with the proper qualifications to dirty bulk, I was your guy.

Being 6’3 and weighing only 160 pounds makes you notice how frail and lanky you are. I had minimal muscle. Nowadays, I am so fortunate for a full stomach. I’m twenty pounds heavier than I was a year ago, and all because I figured out how to eat consistently.

Ok, listen very carefully. It was, (and still is baby), whole pizzas, Miller Lites, and going big on breakfast. Don’t overthink it. That’s the biggest problem. Buy what you like and stick to it.

During breakfast, I eat 5-6 pieces of bacon, 4 eggs, a glass of juice, milk, water, and a cup of coffee. I take fish oil and flaxseed vitamins.

Look, I get it. All of us have different eating schedules and some of us don’t have time to make breakfast. Most college students skip breakfast and go straight for Red Bull. All it takes is a little discipline and going out of your way. Fall in love with breakfast time. Nowadays, I get up super early just to make a big breakfast to ensure I eat enough, and catch some Jersey Shore. It’s a good life man.

Eventually, you can switch it up, but first, get into the habit of making the same shit every morning. I promise you are going to get tired of it, but the point is you are developing the habit of getting up, taking the time to make breakfast, and fueling yourself.

If you really want to stay natural and get huge, you have to fuel yourself.

I meal prep too. Ok now clap.

Once a week, usually at nighttime, I take 3lbs of ground beef, and 3 cups of rice, garlic, and BBQ sauce to make beef and rice bowls for work.

I remember telling my roommate John that I was going to be 190 pounds or something by the end of 2022. I was 187 at my heaviest and funny enough, it turns out it was two months later in August 2022. I gained so much weight over the Summer because all I did was workout, eat, and watch TV. I also gorged on a lot of Southern food while in PCB. That fats were sticking.

This mindset spawned during my second semester at ASU when I started seriously taking advantage of the dining halls. We were given a certain amount of swipes a week and I would space them out as best I could.

I purposefully went out of my way across campus to the Tooker dining hall just to fill up on better food before hitting the SDFC. Then after my lift, I would immediately head back to the dining hall. I began doing this almost every afternoon. It was therapeutic and equally rewarding. I was becoming a hungrier, human machine.

After the school year, I came home and couched it for a while. As I said I was steadily set on working out daily, eating huge meals, watching movies, and sleeping longer. Sometimes I think of it as hibernation.

I was a bummer during that Summer, and I would preach it to all my friends. Looking back I wish I kept that to myself. There is nothing impressive about hanging out on the couch while your buddies are all pissed over having summer jobs. I was a guy without a care in the world, working out and getting all my calories and protein goals in. If you can just eat, sleep and work out. Do it. But keep that to yourself (and don’t boast about your degeneracy online).

I was lucky.

“Speech is silver, silence is gold”.

Life had never been more simple. I can’t even describe it. On that couch I felt homeless at times, only to later binge on snacks and milk in the middle of the night. My older brother watched me fill out at a rapid rate. I continuously hit our free and tiny apartment gym. They had just what I needed to stay on track.

Again, I was diligent and I was trusting the process as well as my digestive system.

Anyway, now I want to share my secret weapons in bulking and what I ate to gain so much muscle (and weight) so fast.

Here is a list of things I mainly ate while learning to bulk (2022):

Kraft Mac and Cheese with Goldfish - straight carbs and calories, rack ‘em up, mild source of protein
Whole Frozen Pizzas - eat all 8 slices you weenie
Case of beer - Budweiser or Miller Lite preferred. 12 freaking beers. More on this issue in a blog post later
Buffalo Wild Wings BOGO night - 20 boneless wings, 5 tall beers, Thursday night basketball, one happy man
Whole salted peanuts - the kind you eat at baseball games, get a big bowl of these and get cracking. If your name is Taj, I’m sorry
Campbell’s Chunky Soups - super clutch, 25g hearty, protein goodness, the steak and potatoes can is the best one
Powdered fruit drink - Gatorade mix, kool-aid, helps with getting water in too
Nutella/PB Sandwiches - deliciousness, this is self-explanatory
Doughnuts - powdered, chocolate, plain, good until you get sick of them, only get these three options or else.
1/2 Ground Beef, 1/2 Rice, BBQ sauce - no comment on this
Steaks and Porkchops - alternate eating these
McDonald’s - “Randy’s cheeseburgers”, develop “a man’s gotta eat” mentality
Mystery Green Jar - vanilla protein mix, super greens, and creatine in a mason jar. Nowadays I just do 2x recommended servings of super bulk-powered shit and creatine
Chedder Dogs - cut some slits, throw a couple of these puppies in the air fryer, that’s a good time guaranteed, eat with a fork
Whole Milk
A fuck ton of bacon - a least five pieces in a sitting

Now, look. Nobody is perfect in what they eat. I’m lucky to not be allergic to anything. I’m also lucky to have a fast metabolism, as well as to believe in a religion that lets me eat bacon. Nevertheless, I am thankful I found solace in the foods listed above. Soon my routine became a habit. Wake up, devour three meals a day, and end it with a stomach so full it hurts.

I am going to eat you if they don’t stop me.